Maybe the first person to ever use this word was a hurt complicated contradiction who had little idea of belief. Maybe this word originated among the throes of negativity, ruthlessness and distress. Because nothing positive can ever come out of it. Because we can never not say “Don’t expect anything from anybody” and despite all the wars that this world has faced, all the heartbreaks that have shaped people into what they are, all the religious, cultural, regional differences; the whole human race agrees on one thing: Never expect that people would give you anything. And the irony awaits; it still expects.
We expect loyalty from people who don’t know what loyalty is. We expect love from people who don’t know the meaning of it. We expect a positive change from people who have never cared for what pleases others. We expect trust, friendship, help from all those people who we have never seen giving all these things to anybody. But somewhere inside us, there is a bizarre wish that we can be unique. An unheard-before voice inside us utters, ‘Believe in miracles’ and then fades away. Where does this voice go afterwards? I have seen people flatter themselves by swaying past the eyes liquefied with loyalty. I have seen people smashing the shining glass windows of love. I have seen people deliberately trying to break the cemented walls of trust. Does everybody lie in the start?
I sometimes think how do people believe each other? How does the customer believe in the salesperson’s words? How does the judge believe in the lawyer’s claims? How does the lover believe in his love? How does the patient believe in a doctor’s prescriptions? How does a person believe himself when he’s about to die? How does the mother believe in her son’s actions? How do the bride and the groom believe in each other’s feelings? All of this happens because someone somewhere is expecting something from someone. The customer expects quality from the salesperson. The judge expects truth from the lawyer. The lover expects trust from his love. The patient expects treatment and cure from the doctor’s prescriptions. The person expects denial from himself. The mother expects return from her son. The bride and the groom; oh well they just have to be together because their parents would kill them if they aren’t. But in the end, this expectation thing goes all wrong.
‘Expectation from them has failed you, Miss Mehma Kunwar’ another unheard-before voice appears.
There is this voice, ah. So that is how it ends. All of it being the game of voices inside our heads; no matter how many times you’re fed up and you no longer want to play, you always tap on the ‘Play again’ button.
‘Oh’, she said, ‘Nothing races faster than my heart when they come around’. The bus she was in dinned and said, ‘You bet’. Suddenly the wind slapped her, almost ruining the new hijab style, and claimed, ‘Oh really?’
She had not even overcome the perplexity that the light in her eyes kissed the sunlight to make sense of her own presence.
‘All of you leave me dumfounded’, accepted she, ‘but you rove temporary physicality’. ‘My heart?’, she smirked, ‘My heart travels to their mind’.y
How I wonder nobody would care if I die two minutes later, except for Allah. Nobody would, because it’s not them dying. It’s me. If I’m about to die, who would I call upon? My Creator. Why do people forget Him? Why do people forget me? Why do people forget themselves?
People forget Him because they think the day of judgement is so far. They think.
People forget me because well, to them I’m no longer lovable perhaps or super annoying or a list of all the bad adjectives.
People forget themselves because Allah made them.
In the very end, those who are not sincere to Allah can never be sincere to you because they’re not even sincere to themselves. It takes time to know what you’re worth. It takes a lot of time. Meanwhile, I want to run to some aboriginal jungle and never come back. Where, let knowing-who-I-am or what-am-I-doing aside, they are not able to listen to my voice.
Official rejection of the love of dunya, yes it is. I’m worth much more and I don’t even care if nobody notices if I died or not.